The Benefits and Pitfalls of Counselling

Why therapy can be but isn't always helpful

In my journey through a life plagued with mental ill-heath, I’ve been very blessed to have attended counselling and psychotherapy a number of times. While my experience of therapy has largely been very positive, there are some things to be wary of for anyone considering this path of support.

Certainly, people often attend therapy because they are facing serious problems and are desperate for help. The attentive listening and unconditional positive regard of therapists can help many people to heal, to feel more empowered, to learn more about their thoughts and emotions, and to grow as people.

I attended psychotherapy with one therapist for two years, and the healing and growth I experienced was truly life-changing in a very positive way. I learned things about myself that were previously unimaginable. It might even be fair to say that those sessions saved my life. And I’m sure others who have attended therapy could say the same thing.

Despite the potential for wonderful growth, healing, and transformation in therapy, there can also be some pitfalls to look out for.

Firstly, someone’s training may trap them in a certain way of thinking (and everyone has their own personality, of course), which might not be a good fit for a client. It can be dangerous to approach counselling with the attitude that whichever counsellor you see is going to help you, as this is to belittle yourself and not recognise that the unique giftings you have to offer the world may not be a great fit for every counsellor. After all, you want your therapist to bring out the best in you, not to stifle you.

Another pitfall I want to mention is the danger of being stuck in a counselling relationship for longer than necessary. It is of course the case that therapists have a financial interest in keeping clients, and this is true however much they may be sensitive to avoiding being abusive. It’s so important for clients to weigh up for themselves whether they are truly benefiting from a therapeutic relationship, and if not, to take the brave step to courteously and gently explain that they wish to end their sessions.

Thirdly, I’ve learned, after having sessions with 6-8 different therapists (I’ve lost count!), that counselling relationships involve a distinct power play. The fact that a client is paying a counsellor, who has the benefit of being considered an expert, can create a distorted power balance which can be unhelpful. I’ve noticed, for instance, that often while therapists will look their clients directly in the eyes at all times, they sometimes expect their clients to adopt a submissive posture, looking down or away. This is a subtle form of abuse and it’s definitely something to be wary of. You should always feel that your therapist is not so much your superior, but more your neighbour in the Christian sense. If this isn’t the case, it may be an unhealthy relationship that will do you more harm than good.

I would never want to paint a picture of counsellors as monsters, such are the tremendous benefits they can offer people in distress. But with the counselling profession increasing in popularity all the time, I hope my suggestions serve as useful food for thought for people who are considering attending therapy but who may not have the benefits of the experience I have gained through my numerous forays into therapeutic relationships.