Saved by Grace
How God transformed my heart
When I had completed my A-Levels in secondary school, the natural next step was to decide what to study at university.
Around that time, I was in a heavy metal band and working in a music shop. Music was the focus of much of my life. I had met someone in the music shop who had studied Commercial Music at university and because this person was an inspiration to me in many ways, I decided to apply for the course that he had studied, pursuing my passion rather than taking up my father’s suggestion that I study Law.
I have been thinking about this decision a lot in recent months. I have wondered whether or not the decision was wise. I was closer to my mother than my father and she was more supportive of my ambitions at the time than my father was. Perhaps, if I had had a better relationship with my father, we would have had a conversation about my ambitions and he might have explained the reasons why he was suggesting a degree in Law and persuaded me to study it.
At the time that I made the decision to study Commercial Music I was not a Christian and had no awareness of the reality of God, so pursuing something I enjoyed seemed natural. I think it is perhaps the case that music was providing me with catharsis and love in a way that my father wasn’t able to.
I enjoyed my time at university and it was a blessing to develop my love of music, which remains a huge passion of mine to this day. I was also wildly promiscuous and morally adrift at that time, a reality that I didn’t really realise or question. I went on to work in the music industry and enjoyed doing so, but I was also struggling a great deal with poor mental health owing to my mother’s illness with cancer and ongoing difficulties in my relationship with my father.
After a few years working in the music industry, I went through a severe mental health crisis that led to my first episode of psychosis and a spell on a psychiatric ward. It was during that hospital admission that I read the Bible properly for the first time and became a Christian.
When I found my home in God everything changed for me. I gave up chasing success and instead decided to live for Jesus. Had I not had an existential crisis that came as a result of my mother’s illness and the breakdown of my parents’ marriage, I might never have experienced the amazing joy of exploring Christianity and being saved by grace and welcomed into God’s family.
The moral of the story? God is good. He had mercy on me when I was lost and struggling and in a dark place. He transformed my heart through the power of the Gospel. I am incredibly thankful for that.
When doubts arise in my mind over whether I should have taken my father’s advice and studied Law, I am comforted by the fact that God saw fit to show me His love and mercy and take me to a place of inner peace which is more wonderful than I had ever imagined. He has become the best Father and friend I could ever hope to have.
My sins are forgiven. Thank You, Lord.
If you’re regretting decisions you made in the past, or struggling with the hurt that comes from broken family relationships, know that God can turn your life around and give you peace. He did it for me and He can do it for you.