Psychospiritual Connections

Am I feeling my father's feelings?

It seems that I have a connection to my father which is there regardless of physical distance. I have been trying to think of a word or phrase to describe this, and the best thing I have been able to come up with is that we have a 'psychospiritual' connection. I feel that we are connected in such a way as I feel and experience what my father is feeling. So, for instance, if my father is feeling stressed, I will feel stressed.

To give you an example: I called my father on Father's Day and he said to me that he hasn't been sleeping well. I noticed that I also hadn't been sleeping well. What seems to be happening in my understanding is that since my father's partner passed away (several months ago) my father is feeling stressed because he depended on her so heavily. Now that she is gone, he is forced to confront his feelings outside of that relationship, and this is causing him stress, which in turn is causing me stress.

Another example of this ‘psychospiritual’ connection is that on one occasion, I had a small breakthrough in my relationship with my father, when we were speaking on the phone. It is incredibly difficult to have open and honest conversations with my father, as he will easily get angry and hang up the phone or say hurtful things. But on one occasion, I managed to voice the sentiment that blood relations are important, and this led him to shed a few tears. The next morning I awoke bathed in peace, and my understanding is that I had momentarily broken through the barrier he has up and a little healing had taken place.

The difficulty is that helping my father to heal feels like an almost impossible task, because his tendency is to be abusive whenever we speak on the phone, or even via email. Even though I have now severed communication with him completely, I still feel as though we have this connection and that I feel what he feels. So I am feeling continually stressed at the moment, because I perceive that he is feeling stressed.

I am in the process of being referred for counselling, but I have attended counselling and psychotherapy numerous times already and in all honesty I don't really think I am the person who has the greater need to heal. I feel as though I am dependent on my father being happy in himself for my happiness, because of the psychospiritual connection we have, but I don’t know whether the barrier he has up and the complexity of his thoughts and feelings represent too much of a dam for me to break through.

This morning I was pondering whether the only solution to this difficult situation is for me to assume the role of healer in my relationship with my father; to reestablish contact with him and to try very hard, through openness and honesty, to have a relationship with him that helps him to heal. He doesn’t seem to be willing to attend counselling or psychotherapy himself, although I feel if he did so this would be enormously beneficial for him and for the family.

I do believe that everyone has the potential to change and the question that I am bringing to the Lord today is whether it is His will for me to resume contact with my father and try to make a positive difference in his life. I am willing to do my best to help and support my father if this is the will of God.