Fret Not Yourself

Being steadfast in times of adversity

I came to live in the one bedroom flat in London which has been my home for the last eleven years as a result on an admission to psychiatric hospital. Under mental health law in the UK, there is an obligation to provide housing to patients who end up in hospital under certain conditions, so that they are not discharged into a situation of homelessness (which would likely lead to further mental health problems and readmission to hospital).

The first property into which I was discharged through the mental health system was a house with four other tenants, all with mental health issues. Each tenant had their own bedroom and there was a shared living room, kitchen, and bathroom. It was a challenging situation in which to live, as some of the residents were severely mentally unstable and their behaviour was at times challenging and troublesome. When the opportunity arose for me to move on from this property into to a self-contained flat (still within the mental health system) I jumped at the chance, because I had been despairing over my situation in the shared house.

The one bedroom flat into which I moved is in a house divided into three flats, so there are two other residents, each with their own self-contained flats. There are some communal areas, including a hallway, a laundry room, and a living room, although the living room has been out of use for the majority of the time that I have lived here for reasons that I have never really understood. The flat in which I live is wonderful in many ways, and I am so grateful to have my own bathroom, kitchen and bedroom. However, what I didn’t realise when I moved into this property is that a situation would arise with a tenant in one of the other flats that would prove to be one of the hardest challenges of my life.

When I first moved into the flat, things were relatively peaceful for some time. I was able to focus on my passion of writing about philosophical theology, and as well as producing several books I also filmed a video series and was posting daily articles on my blog, Perfect Chaos, fuelled by Bible study and various explorations into biblical theology. I enjoyed a time of being connected into a church and getting involved with various evangelistic activities and in many ways, my life was flourishing.

Things took an unfortunate turn when one of the other tenants in the building where I live, perhaps troubled by my attempts to encourage him in the Christian faith, took it upon himself to try to make my life a misery. He started to play extremely loud music, sometimes all day and all night, and he adopted a series of aggressive and bullying behaviours, including slamming the front door as loudly as he could, screaming at his cat (which I believe was likely intended to unsettle me) and other behaviours which made living in the property a deeply distressing experience.

Surviving through this episode of bullying was really testing. I would read the Bible and the Qur’an on a daily basis in an attempt to stay grounded, and I always had a backpack at the ready so I could escape from the property when things became unbearable. The spiritual atmosphere in the property was at times so dark that I feared for my life and had to get away, and I would spend some nights staying in cheap hotels (despite the financial strain this placed on me) and other nights simply walking around the city for the whole night.

I raised various complaints with the landlord, but they were not met with a response that would have improved matters. I tried hard to find alternative accommodation, but every attempt led to a dead end. At one stage I tried to find a lawyer so that I could commence legal proceedings, but found no one who was willing to take on my case. The police offered to speak with my neighbour, but I felt his disregard for the law meant that if they had done so, it would only have served to put me in greater danger rather than helping the situation. I was left entirely dependent on God to keep me safe and grounded and to get me through and out of this situation.

The sacred Scriptures were the most wonderful anchor for me during these times of trial. Psalm 37 repeatedly comforted me in a profound way:

Fret not yourself because of evildoers;
be not envious of wrongdoers!
² For they will soon fade like the grass
and wither like the green herb.

³ Trust in the Lord, and do good;
dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.
⁴ Delight yourself in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

⁵ Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in him, and he will act.
⁶ He will bring forth your righteousness as the light,
and your justice as the noonday.

⁷ Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him;
fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way,
over the man who carries out evil devices!

⁸ Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath!
Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil.
⁹ For the evildoers shall be cut off,
but those who wait for the Lord shall inherit the land.

¹⁰ In just a little while, the wicked will be no more;
though you look carefully at his place, he will not be there.
¹¹ But the meek shall inherit the land
and delight themselves in abundant peace.

¹² The wicked plots against the righteous
and gnashes his teeth at him,
¹³ but the Lord laughs at the wicked,
for he sees that his day is coming.

¹⁴ The wicked draw the sword and bend their bows
to bring down the poor and needy,
to slay those whose way is upright;
¹⁵ their sword shall enter their own heart,
and their bows shall be broken.

¹⁶ Better is the little that the righteous has
than the abundance of many wicked.
¹⁷ For the arms of the wicked shall be broken,
but the Lord upholds the righteous.

¹⁸ The Lord knows the days of the blameless,
and their heritage will remain forever;
¹⁹ they are not put to shame in evil times;
in the days of famine they have abundance.

²⁰ But the wicked will perish;
the enemies of the Lord are like the glory of the pastures;
they vanish—like smoke they vanish away.

²¹ The wicked borrows but does not pay back,
but the righteous is generous and gives;
²² for those blessed by the Lord shall inherit the land,
but those cursed by him shall be cut off.

²³ The steps of a man are established by the Lord,
when he delights in his way;
²⁴ though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong,
for the Lord upholds his hand.

²⁵ I have been young, and now am old,
yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken
or his children begging for bread.
²⁶ He is ever lending generously,
and his children become a blessing.

²⁷ Turn away from evil and do good;
so shall you dwell forever.
²⁸ For the Lord loves justice;
he will not forsake his saints.
They are preserved forever,
but the children of the wicked shall be cut off.
²⁹ The righteous shall inherit the land
and dwell upon it forever.

³⁰ The mouth of the righteous utters wisdom,
and his tongue speaks justice.
³¹ The law of his God is in his heart;
his steps do not slip.

³² The wicked watches for the righteous
and seeks to put him to death.
³³ The Lord will not abandon him to his power
or let him be condemned when he is brought to trial.

³⁴ Wait for the Lord and keep his way,
and he will exalt you to inherit the land;
you will look on when the wicked are cut off.

³⁵ I have seen a wicked, ruthless man,
spreading himself like a green laurel tree.
³⁶ But he passed away, and behold, he was no more;
though I sought him, he could not be found.

³⁷ Mark the blameless and behold the upright,
for there is a future for the man of peace.
³⁸ But transgressors shall be altogether destroyed;
the future of the wicked shall be cut off.

³⁹ The salvation of the righteous is from the Lord;
he is their stronghold in the time of trouble.
⁴⁰ The Lord helps them and delivers them;
he delivers them from the wicked and saves them,
because they take refuge in him.

This psalm was more precious to me than gold when facing what was probably the hardest trial of my life.

I remember one occasion on which I was sat in a cemetery contemplating what I could possibly do to remedy the situation with my neighbour. I was in such a state of desperation that I was even asking the Lord whether due to teaching in the Qur’an about fighting against unjust behaviour, I should take matters into my own hands and confront my neighbour, even if it would lead to a physical fight. However, I recalled the teachings of Jesus — that we should love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us, and that we should turn the other cheek when treated unjustly. These teachings seemed to be the highest moral guidance there is, and so I continued to avoid confrontation and pray my way through the situation.

After several years of being tormented by my neighbour, there eventually came a time when it seems my neighbour became unwell. The loud music and bullying behaviour stopped completely. On the infrequent occasions when I encountered my neighbour, he appeared to have lost a great deal of weight, and I can only assume he had become unwell with some sickness. Within a few months, he had moved out of the property.

The lesson I learned through all of this is that if we can remain grounded in our faith when we meet with adversity, clinging to the hope and encouragement of Scripture and always doing our best to behave with honesty and integrity, the Lord will be faithful to us and will preserve our life and grant us a way out of whatever trials we are facing. We must only remain patient and steadfast.

I am still living in the same property, and continue to face challenges with both of the tenants who live here. But I have become less fretful of wicked behaviour, even though it can be painful and difficult to endure at times. I only hope and pray that God grants me the incomparable mercy that I would never turn to wicked behaviour myself and that He will always bless me with a character that pleases and honours Him. Amen.