Facilitating Healing by Mirroring Emotions

How God sometimes uses me to heal others

I don’t know whether my highly sensitive nature developed in early childhood due to family experiences I don’t recall, or whether it’s something that is just part of who I am. But I regard being sensitive as one of my most helpful and challenging character traits.

In school, my sensitive nature caused me to be withdrawn. I was generally the quietest person in my circle of friends. I think sensitive people often make others feel comfortable while feeling deeply uncomfortable themselves.

I’ve noticed that around the majority of people, when I enter into a one-to-one conversation, they will do the talking and I will do the listening. I generally feel good about making others feel empowered in these kinds of interactions, but if the conversations (or rather someone addressing me with a monologue!) go on for too long, I feel oppressed. I sometimes worry that they are being abusive and I am not being talkative enough, though I think this is an error on my part and is usually not the case, for reasons I describe below.

Usually, when someone is being very talkative it’s because they have been hurt and no one has given them the opportunity to express themselves. The natural state of human beings is silence, but it often takes healing to get there.

In a heavily one-sided conversation, I sometimes force myself to say something (anything!) just to reclaim a little personal space. At other times, I cut the conversation short and reclaim my personal space by spending time alone. When I do this it is sometimes due to a lack of self-confidence and not being grounded enough myself, or because the other person has more repressed emotion than I am able to cope with without getting hurt myself. If I were to allow myself to get hurt it would do neither them or I any good, as it would just create two instances of emotional hurt in place of the one. This is why it’s important to do things in your life that help you to remain self-confident and able to maintain boundaries in your interactions with others, though not to the extent that you are ever aggressive, only to the extent that you are able to remain grounded.

Sometimes just to walk away without saying a word, or saying just a few kind words and then leaving, is the most loving thing to do.

At times recently I have felt angry when a conversation has been very one-sided and I have thought, “Why isn’t this person breaking from their monologue and giving me a chance to speak?” Sometimes I will even say something like, “you’ve been talking for around ten minutes and I’ve barely said a word” because I feel desperate for them to end their monologue and have a conversation that is equal in terms of energies and personal space. I know this would be best for them and best for me. But when I do get angry, the reason why is usually because I am not grounded enough myself, and also because it has been pointed out to me in the past that I let myself be abused when really I am just listening to others and helping them to heal. People point this out to me because my passive listening to someone causes them anger, possibly because they are not sensitive to the healing power of listening, or because they have not been listened to themselves and are angry, or because they wrongly perceive I am being abused and think it is their job to intervene (I am recalling a scenerio that happened to me during a spell in psychiatric hospital a few years ago).

I have discovered that when people direct a monologue at me it is usually because they are operating from a place of ego. Sometimes in a conversation that hardness will break down and the interaction will reach a place of emotional equality where both people are speaking from the heart and the conversation is perfectly natural. I would describe this as a love interaction. It can be difficult to get there but these kinds of conversation are priceless!

People often speak from a place of ego because they have unresolved emotional pain in their body. By allowing them the space to express themselves, they can heal, and that love connection (where both people are speaking from a place of love, health, and peace) can be achieved. A person may get very animated and angry, but once their anger is expressed it can give way to sadness and tears, and then comes peace. Of course, once sadness has been expressed, people need to learn how to stay grounded in that peace so that they don’t get hurt again, if they wish to stay happy and healthy. It is a process that takes time, love, and communication.

I’ve realised while I’ve been writing this article that this is what I am always aiming to do in my conversations with people: to aid their healing. I think this is a positive thing and it’s something that my sensitivity aids me with.

When we are able to mirror every bit of hurt another person is feeling without absorbing their pain into our own bodies then we are acting in the most loving way possible in allowing them to heal. Once they are healed, a natural and peaceful conversation can ensue.

Often, a person will be angry in the way they are speaking to me and it makes me feel sad. By allowing myself to feel sadness I provide a mirror to them that lets them know it’s okay to feel sad, and when they do, their emotion is released and healing comes. After all, anger is usually sadness in disguise. It’s when two people are interacting with each other from a place of unresolved anger that arguments arise.

All of this understanding came about for me through attending psychotherapy and exploring emotions in the context of a therapeutic relationship, and through life experience. Some of what I’ve written may not make sense to you, and that’s okay, because these are just my thoughts at this time, honestly expressed.

I think that finding words to express emotions is something that needs to be taught in schools, as many people in the present age don’t know how to do it, and suffer as a result. But that’s a whole other subject in itself.

I am quite sure I have more to learn in relation to all of this and may the Lord help me to do so.